My Angel From Heaven

Open this link and then start reading. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQ8iQa7g-_8

There is a girl in the mass of people around you who does wonders to you when you see her. When the sight of her falls on you, you feel mesmerized by her beauty. You are distracted from the present and taken to the underworld of your conscience where you store the complexities of her face. It becomes your life seeing her living her life, going about worldly matters. Such innocence and grace. The sight of her instills in your consciousness, a sense of eternal bliss. Your mind retreats to an ambiance. Of melancholic finer tones of thought and peace.

Instantly. You want her. You are feeling the warmth of your own self. Your conscience assumes an instance where you are holding her by her waist, pushing her closer to you, feeling her breath, looking into her eyes. And Inside them. You are in an awe of what you see. And you keep looking. The surface has vanished from under your feet. And there are no walls. Its all mighty and passionate around. You are wobbling around a twinkling purple haze with tiny sparkling red particles and cute bright yellow leaves stuck under a greenish shiny aura. And you are getting infected by her breath. Its calling you. Her soul is reaching in to you. And it's made sensations into your chest. They are running down to your heart and affecting your breath. And you keep floating smoothly. Through sensations. Up and above. Down and below. Slowly.

Whatever she does. However she goes about the finer details of her day. A breath of fresh air has engulfed you and inspires you to take a closer look at her. To approach her. To get into her. Make her yours. You are being attracted by her aura. You start observing her without yourself knowing about it. You wont feel it but you are already a part of her life from quite afar. You are not too close for the alarms to go off but you are right there. You are left wanting to talk to her but every time, every single time, you get a restraining order from the part of your brain responsible for thought refinement. You have a lot to say. You cant say it all. Its not happening. Its not because of the world around you. But you are irritated by the thought of your incompetence of what you might say or not. But so much energy you can feel. And craving you are. That you are not afraid of any public display of affection, if the time arises, for now your souls are truly connected. Only in your mind though. And the world is the least you care about.

You want to know everything she does. Every hobby she might have. Her sensibilities. Her likes and dislikes. But you know It isn't really important all of it. You are only lost in her soul. You are floating in there. She may or may not have the type of character you think she has but you don't care about it. You don't care about her previous life. You don't care about her background. You don't care about anything because when you see her face, you are lost in it. You are standing in the eyes in it. In the smile. You try to replicate it muscle for muscle. Every expression she has is a different day. You want everything to stop. You want absolute silence. Absolute peace. The calmness of her smile. The serenity of the beauty of her face. Its calming. It has settled you down. Its something you can live with the rest of your life. You want nothing else. You are lost in it. You are there. You want to be all over it. All around it. All above it. You want to be in it. In her mind.

College Chronicler - Part 1

I am not sure how many people are interested in listening to how i changed from a bloody snob!! to a what i consider a pretty good human but it all actually came from the type of people i got as classmates and college mates. Now these humans were to me very interesting, enjoyable, engrossing and most importantly pure souls. Not at first though. I had been negatively presumptuous about the type of gentry i'd be receiving at the college. Courtesy Karan Johar's high school movies where girls roaming around in bikini in the campus has always been the norm. Boys would all have six packs and they'd all know break dancing. Since i knew that the college i am going to is situated in the desert of an area called Mansarovar, i was aware of the fact that none of my fantasies were going to take form. It was a 'local' college i was going to as my friends would tease me. And so i was sad with the way my life was going to take course, having to compromise with fantasies i had dug in my mind since long. This however, as i realize now, made me, take the innocent souls that were my classmates, for granted. This was a mistake, as when i got to know them i realized that i had done a wrong job by generalizing my discriminating and condescending views, for everyone. After my 12th i was in a state of jeopardy. I was having to clear a complementary as was it called during that time .. a complementary in chemistry. I was not eligible for admission into big reputed colleges and particularly IIT for that matter. So my last refuge was RPET. That is since i was out of the AIEEE league simply due to mere laziness and incompetence at starting preparations. But alas i showed my greatness there as well and fellow classmates gasped and exclaimed at the properness with which i told them my RPET rank(around infinity or something) at the first day of college that was for me about after two months from the actual official first day of the college.
Now i am very sure that many guys and girls in my class have taken me for granted in these four years because of my careless conduct throughout my college life. No regret over that. They'll see my disciplined phase as soon as i set myself into life
So Before all that, as soon as i got the news of this phone call that some Maharishi Arvind is ready to take me in, i was devastated. I wanted a drop. I wanted to reorganize. Most importantly i never wanted to enter an environment, atmosphere that i had hated and made fun of since birth. Mixing up with people from rural backgrounds. Impossible!!!! .. AS THE SNOB I WAS. So i had many misconceptions(weird!! not going to describe them). But then on protesting about things one day my father said ... "Padhne ka theka sirf hamne hi le rakha hai kya". And that was it. I knew what i had to do. So i got ready to go to college. Not sure why this statement struck me. But many more were to come. And they struck a chord in my mind.

Commencement

Here i commence my blog. The post before it was the lyrics of a song i had thought i would give music to.

This is something straight from my heart, its going to be melodramatic, hence immature, without being scanned by the complexities of the mind, right from the fingers, through the keyboard and onto the screen. Things that come from our heart are always full of emotions. Because it is what i am going through right now, so no matter how childish and immature it looks, i am writing it.

I have been told i am funny and friendly. Cling on to things and friends. The remark "kuch bhi" often comes to me when they don't understand my comments on their posts or when i crack a joke that nobody understands and they claim my sense of humor is somewhat of the same type. Goes wherever the camera goes. They say i am never serious about life, about everything and i accept that. I like to behave in such mannerism all the time.

It seems to me that i am trapped in this image, and that there is no way i could think of to change it, as of now. I should realize i might change it by being serious enough and doing something effective, impressive and productive and i am working on it. May be it is only me thinking too much about it or may be nobody cares that much about me that i need to care about this.

But listen to this, i feel, now i care about my image or i should if i do not, and the thought worries me because i don't want to. I was not doing it all my childhood, i don't want to do it now. But it comes in automatically. The 1st year of college and all school life, i had not even thought about things like self-respect and ego in all seriousness. I don't know how, but this just got into me, just somehow, and now its all about self-respect and ego and image and shit.

So whats happening? Everything's changing. The view with which i used to look at everybody around me is taking different angles. Friendships and relationships have started looking different. They are not the same. They are strange now. People have started ignoring or if they were already doing it since a long time, its starting to feel bad. The warmth and craziness has disappeared. Everyone tries to be serious. Professionalism should stay in the offices but It's come out and its starting to show in everyone's behavior. People and situations play with your mind. Should you be fun or not? Should you joke or not? Jokes that used to be the best have become lame and cheap. Serious dissent has erupted between the best of the bonds. Some of which, to me, were unbreakable, and chemistry between them, unfathomable.

I have got the gist of it. School life and time was different, nobody used to take life seriously. What i still think is that now, that after school, we are far apart, it is only our good nature and inbuilt innocent humanity that can keep us close. In spite of our busy schedules, the only thing that stops us from being positive in connecting to our friends once in a while are things like self-respect, ego, attitude!. My habit of reconciling with not-in-touch friends, has been taken and scanned through these uncomfortable ideologies. On a lot of occasions i have been cautioned by some of my friends about the lack of such mechanisms or 'Duniyadari' in me. Its their perception. Mine's different, which is of not giving a monkey's ass and that is because of all those things i mentioned above. I don't want them to happen all throughout my life. So at least someone has to be the joker here.

Let me elaborate through an example. It is quite lame and immature but it is what matters to a lot of 'youth' nowadays and so i have chosen it to convey a message.

Situation: I text or call some of my friends and they don't pick-up or reply... now,
1.I don get to early conclusions.
2.I keep messaging.
3.I will keep messaging in spite of no replies!
Abuse me for that, do abuse me for having no spine, but, as of now, i think we should have patience.!

I have no problems with peeps not replying to me because i have sent the message and i am satisfied, knowing the fact that the other person would read my message, laugh, and remember me for a while. I'v done my work! I have connected with him/her. Its not necessary for him/her to reply. That is how you don't let your good friends go away from you and let time have its toll on your bond. Eventually its going to fade once everyone gets all busy and serious with their lives and with their jobs and all.
4.I like to give a surprise call to someone i have not been in touch since long! It makes me happy and excited. But this habit of mine was considered to be of having no self-respect! Rather, many think its against our self-respect. 'why should we call', 'he/she should do it first', 'he does not talk to me anymore, our friendship was all fake'. To me this is narrow-mindedness and hollow-headedness both!
Many of you may differ from me!and advises n suggestions r invited!
Moral--> Please go n make an effort from your side n connect to a long lost friend. Be frank rather than ignorant about how you want to manage relationships. Self-respect and ego manifested in one-self in a positive would always be fruitful!

Keep a nice smile on your face all the time and don't give in to the world. The rest is on 'em! U just have fun and greet 'em! Surely u'll make more friends. Words by the GREAT AAKAR MATHUR :P :P \m/
Phew!